Month: May 2016

Monster In My Closet

You are not alone. Many have endured physical and sexual abuse this is for you.

emotionalpeace

There is a monster in the closet
I run to you and beg you not to go
I tell you the monster is waiting for me
You tell me not to worry
It was a just a dream
Go back to bed
and you kiss my head
The door closes behind you
I am all alone with the monster
He tells me
I told you so
No one will believe you
Tears roll down my cheek
The monster smiles
and the nightmare begins again

Julie A Sheppard

This poem is written for anyone who knows what it is like to be physically or sexually abused.  You are not alone and there are people who will believe you and help you if you just ask for help. Do not be afraid of being judged or blamed.

God has helped me in more ways than words can describe to be healed from…

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Sketches in Charcoal/ Positive and Negative

Art by Julie Sheppard

Which are you today? Are you positive or are you negative? To be honest, lately I have been struggling to be positive. I even question myself and my faith. How can I be up one day and so far down the next? Does God love me less when I am feeling down? Thank God the answer to that one is no, He loves me the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His love never changes. My circumstances may change, my moods will definitely change, but He is the same at all times. So It is me that struggles from day today. I try to keep my thoughts on the right things. Yet there are days when my thoughts get gray and even black. No matter how hard I look I cannot seem to see the positive. But I don’t stop looking, and I turn to God even in my darkest thoughts and ask Him to help me. I think about Joseph who was not only sold into slavery but was also thrown into prison after being falsely accused. I am not sure how long he was in that dark place but he did not give up. He held on to his faith and not only did he get released from prison, he was promoted to a place of authority and was able to save not only the people of the land but his own people from another land. He had every reason to give up and lose hope. Yet he held on to God even in the darkest times when all he could see were prison walls and he made it out better than how he went in. God did not fail him or let him be destroyed, but took what was meant to harm him and made it into something great. So even though I have bad days and the negative thoughts out number the positive I can still hope because His love for me is greater than my darkest moments.I recently had a s day where I was telling God, ‘I’m sorry’ over and over for thoughts I was having. I knew the thoughts were wrong and I know He expects better from me. I got to the point that the battle over my thoughts and apologizing to God that I finally told God, “I am not sorry, you know my heart and I can’t lie to you”. Yet even then I felt His grace. I could give all the reason for my attitude that day and justify my thoughts and be right but I would not have been right with God. I am thankful that even on my bad days and with a bad attitude I could still go to God and acknowledge I knew my thoughts were wrong. I am thankful that by doing this that they remained only thoughts and that He got me through it. It was like a massive prison break and the guards were having to capture each thought like an escaped convict. It is not easy keeping your thoughts in check because you have to be honest with yourself. But being truthful is the only way. For you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

Don’t Panic!

Don’t Panic!

What is the first thing you do when someone tells you not to look down? Most people automatically look down. The same thing can be said when you tell a person not to panic. This brings attention to their already vulnerable state. Have you ever told a woman to calm down? How did that work out? Telling a person not to panic when they are facing something that is terrifying them does not help. It is like telling a drowning person who is drowning that hey the water is wet. They already know this. Panic is brought about when fear of what ever the person may be dealing with becomes so overwhelming they can see no way out, there is no answer to their problem, and no matter which way they turn they only see more problems. There are millions of things to cause fear, health issues, unpaid bills, lack of income, someone breaking into your home, and the list goes on. 365 times it is written ‘Fear not’. God knew we would face fear daily. In the book of Matthew Jesus talks about how the birds in the air are taken care of, and how beautifully dressed the flowers in the field are, and how God tends to these and that we are more important. Our needs will be met. In the psalms we are told that if an enemy comes against us that God is our shield and strong tower. He shut the mouths of the lions when Daniel was thrown into the lions den. Joseph’s brothers wanted to kill him. Instead they sold him into slavery where through hardship and trials he was lifted up to become a ruler who would save his people. Jacob stole from his brother and ran away. God turned Jacob into Israel.

No matter how many times I have even told myself not to worry, I still find myself worrying and occasionally having a panic attacks. I know what the Word says about fear and worry but I am like Peter out on the water. I take my eyes of Jesus and start to sink and even feel like I am drowning at times. Does this mean my relationship with Him stops? No, thank God. Do I believe there are times that He gives me more than I can handle? Yes. He shows more faith in me than I do in Him. I feel like the father who tells Jesus I believe, help my unbelief.

The problems we all face, which are all different, are still problems. We can feel overwhelmed. Like we are being crushed or are drowning and do not see any reason to have any hope. This is where we need an increase in faith. It is faith to trust without seeing, and believing when there is no hope in sight, that somehow and someway you are going to be okay even when there is no logical answer. God can handle this! What ever this may be.

So in short I will not say ‘Don’t Panic’ but “Trust God”.

 

THANK YOU!

To all men and women who serve in the military. Which ever branch you serve in you are all important. You don’t have to do what you do, but you stand in the gap between the people of this country and the forces who seek to destroy us. You place your life on the line for country, family, friends, and strangers. You even fight for those who condemn you for fighting for them. The cost of what you pay for your service the ordinary man may not comprehend. Separated from your family and loved ones in a country that is not your home. You fight to keep us safe and free. Thank you! I pray for you and your family. God bless.