Holidays are not always happy days / Reminders Of Painful Goodbyes

Mary was there when Jesus was crucified. She watched her son die. The news of being blessed with a child has now turned into heartbreak.

Luke 1:26-38 (ESV)  Birth of Jesus Foretold

  In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27 to a virgin betrothed[a] to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary.28 And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”[b] 29 But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. 30 And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

34 And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”[c]

35 And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born[d] will be called holy—the Son of God. 36 And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God.” 38 And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant[e] of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

What a blessing. She is to be a mother. She will conceive and carry a life into this world. What joyful news. How full of joy would she have been if she knew that this child she was being blessed with was going to die? Yes this is the reason He was born. Jesus was born to die for all of our sins. His birth had purpose and so did His death but does this knowledge stop the pain? No it does not.

I have a daughter who is alive but I am not allowed in her life and I have discussed the reasons for this in previous posts. Yet the pain of the loss of her presence I believe pales in comparison to those who have children whose lives were cut short. Unfortunately I know too many who have lost their children and my heart breaks for them but I do not know their pain. Mary knows their pain. She brought a child into this world and then watched Him die at the age of 33 years.

John 19:25-29 (NKJV)  Behold Your Mother

   Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold your son!” 27 Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother!” And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.

It Is Finished

28 After this, Jesus, knowing[a] that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” 29 Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; and they filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth.

Is there anything I can do for these friends who have had to say goodbye to their children that will make anything better? The answer is no. They have lost a treasure no word, gift, or action can replace or make better. All I can do is be here for them. If they want to talk, I need to just listen. If they cannot or do not want to talk then just be there silently and love them. I cannot fix them and they do not expect me to.

Telling them that their children are in a better place does not ease  the pain of their loss in this world. And please do not tell them it was God’s plan. I cannot believe that it is God’s plan for a child to die if that is the case then why do people care about abortion? (Okay that is a rant for another day.) Loss cases pain and once a person is gone no mater the age we feel the pain of that loss. I am not writing this as an instruction manual to go remove the pain, but to remind us all that loss is painful and the loss of a child cannot be made better. Holidays are not happy and joy filled occasions for these parents. Let us give them compassion and love.

Thankfully God knows their pain and their grief and He can give them what we cannot.


Father in Heaven, comfort those parents who have children who have left this world. You know their pain and sorrow and I know that You cry with them. Thank you for loving them as a parent for You are the Father. Give them peace that comes only from you, I ask this in Your Son’s Name Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen.


10 thoughts on “Holidays are not always happy days / Reminders Of Painful Goodbyes

    1. Thank you Wally and I will read the post you left here. I wrote brief mention in one of my earliest posts I will look for it and repost it, in short I was arrested in the middle of the night after being cleared by CPS for the 3rd time over false accusations. The charge had been felony assault choking a family member for over four minutes. I was laid up in pain and could barely walk and it was about midnight when they the police came to arrest me. Then when they went to book me they did not know what to book me for. The year that followed was quite painful with no investigation I was railroaded through the courts appointed an attorney who did nothing to defend me but brought me to tears with his degrading talk towards me in the end after speaking to another attorney who a pastor I knew asked to look into my case he told me what I was facing and that I could win but I would have to hurt my daughter to do so and asked if could I do this, if I could not I should take the plea bargain which was a small fine, limited contact, and probation. Yet when I went before the judge it changed in an instance I was fined 6,000.00 5 yrs. probation, and the worst part was being cut out of my daughters life up to third party which would be permanent. At this the judge stated I take the plea or go to prison that day. I was devastated but I heard God ask me can I still forgive them and I said yes.I had believed the whole time God would vindicate me and that I would be cleared of all charges. I was crushed because this was not the outcome I had trusted God for,but God held tight to me and I knew that even though things had gone so horribly wrong He still loved me/. Less than a month later my mother died of a sudden stroke, she had been been having panic attacks for the duration of my trials, unfortunately my father and stepmother had put my mother through something similar and had to let my father have custody of me or I would not still be here today. A pain she had to live with my whole life because even though he had been her abuser and done terrible things to her she wanted me to live,So she made the sacrifice. To her it was better for me to live abused than to lose my life. I still struggle to forgive at times but I have had to let go and trust God that He can use this loss to not only help me but to help others. I miss them both terribly but with each passing day I have learned to live with the pain.

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      1. That’s really hard to hear, Julie. I will be honest, if it was me I would struggle with accepting it as God’s plan. Families……can really mess us up, can’t they? I have done my own share of messing one up. Thankfully, with The Lord’s help, I have hopefully done better with my second round of family. Still working on fixing things up with my first one, but slowly but surely we are repairing things. Thanks for sharing this story with us all.

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      2. Thanks Wally, I do not believe God planned this to happen but just like Joseph said to his brothers ‘What you did to harm me God has used to do good’ OK I paraphrased it but it is the same message. God was with me through it all and He knows my pain and disappointment and give me the strength to keep going on even when I want to call it quits and give up. I drew a lot of inspiration from those written about in the Bible and that inspired me to write my collection Letters from God. fictional letters based on people in the Bible, Joseph was one of my go to story that helped me when I wanted to give up. You should check out some of the letters especially the few written to Joseph.

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      3. That’s really a great point Julie. I certainly don’t think He would plan it. Sadly, He often lets the events we humans put into motion to play out and use them for our good. What a great outlook you have on this.

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  1. Man this puts the Christmas season in perspective…that the Son born to Mary is to die for our sins. It also gives sober joy. And it has applications for those hurting this time of the year with memories of loss…

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