Please if you have been reading this series you know this project is a work in progress and it is still very rough. This installment is actually only one part of ‘Broken Relations Restored’. It however is my personal story or a segment of my testimony. If you have a testimony of how God has restored a relationship for you and would like to share please contact me or leave it in the comments. I would love to know what God has done for you.
My relationship with my own daughter was good, then we ended up in a woman’s shelter. My health deteriorated, my pain level skyrocketed, and my mental state went haywire. It became more and more difficult to function. On top of being diagnosed with a reverse curvature of my cervical column compressing the ulnar nerve, I now had adult onset scoliosis caused by the damage done to my body. Then I was diagnosed with PTSD. Fear, anger, and pain was messing me up and my relationship with my daughter. I was doing everything I could to provide for her physical needs but the fighting with my family and the abuse I endured was doing damage I did not see happening. My relationship with her began to deteriorate.
After a failed and abusive marriage, and the failed relationships that followed I became dependent on my time with my daughter. I knew the day would come that she would grow up and move out and become her own woman. I stopped dating and focused all my time when I was not working on being with her. Then when she began to rebel and act out I became the lenient parent permitting her to do things I knew she shouldn’t because I was afraid of loosing her. Then when I saw how much she was hurting herself and that she was on a road of self-destruction. I became of loosing her to the destructive way she was living her life, so I became overbearing and demanding. I went from one extreme to the other. I didn’t use common sense, I let fear dictate my behavior. My health was deteriorating and my pain level had sky rocketed, but this was not was debilitating me. It was my fear. I could not see or think clearly. I had become so dependent on my relationship with her I did not see the signs and how she had been turned against me. That she was being taught by a certain family member that promiscuous sex and drugs were okay. That a was too strict and that my health problems were not real. She began pushing me down when I could barely walk, disrespecting me and speaking to me in antagonizing way. Which I would respond with anger. I would later find out that this other person was giving her recording devices and she came home one night and what I will call poked the bear. I was laid up in severe pain. As soon as she entered our home she started in on me. I blew up and cussed her out, calling her everything vulgar that spewed out of my mouth. The second I heard what was coming out of my own mouth, I stopped. I was horrified by my behavior. I apologized not excusing her behavior but immediately took responsibility for my wrong behavior. I told her no matter what she had done I was wrong for everything I said and went immediately for help with my PTSD, I went to my church and confessed what I had done to my daughter. I got of the medications that were actually not helping me and got some sound counseling. Unfortunately by this time the damage was done. Six months after the incident of me verbally spewing like a volcano, I had grown and learned to deal with both my physical and emotional pain without inflicting pain on others, mainly my daughter. She too had been in counseling herself during this period however as I grew to be more stable she became more erratic and destructive. I still did not know what the other family member was doing and the lies she was filling my daughters head with. Things escalated and I had to call the sheriff’s department to get her to release my daughter to come home. I did not press charges but agreed with the deputy to cut my stepmother out of mine and my daughter’s life. I agreed. She retaliated 3 days later and pressed charges against me and I was arrested in the middle of the night without being told the charges. It was about midnight and the arresting officer could only tell me that she was issued a warrant for arrest. My daughter was only 15 and they were going to leave her in our apartment alone. Thankfully the officer allowed me to call a friend to pick her up so she would not be alone. Even once I was taken to the jail they could not book me because they still did not have charges to book me with. From there things got worse. My friend bailed me out the next day but I could not be release because my stepmother’s attorney had and EPO against me. CPS had come to the jail and said that I was clear of any charges by them that they had already cleared me. They left refusing to take custody of my daughter, and told me they knew what my family was doing to do me but they were CPS and there was nothing they could do to help me. Unfortunately the only way I could be released from jail my friend took my daughter to Family services and gave my daughter over to CPS. The following months were hell. I did not have a real defense because the attorney assigned to me did nothing to defend me. I went through months of being degraded and abused by my family and my own attorney. I finally agree to a plea bargain of deferred adjudication of 4th degree felony assault, the terms of limited contact and a small fine. I was happy with the limited contact because it kept her in my life but I could not be falsely accused again. However when I went before the judge it all changed in a devastating way. I was deamed a threat to my daughters life and was cut out of her life up to third-party period. There was no reentering her life when she became 18 or even 21 because there was no time limit, it was permanent. The fine more than tripled and I was free but my daughter was permanently removed from my life. I stood broken before a judge and lost the most important thing in my life. You may believe me to be a liar, but I heard the voice of God asking me, ‘Can you forgive them now?’ Standing but falling apart I answered not because I want to but because I choose His will over my own and said yes. I left that court a broken mess but my faith had grown in ways I could not imagine.
Within weeks my mother died of a sudden stroke and I now was dealing with two losses. It was God’s grace that carried e through the years to come. God began to put me back together and He did not let go of me. Even on the days when I wanted to give up. He kept me going. I held on to the scripture in Jeremiah 31:16 “And there is hope in thine end, saith the LORD, that thy children shall come again to their own border.” I shared this scripture with others hoping to give them hope for their own children. Meanwhile not knowing if my daughter could ever be in my life again, I had to trust in God. For the next 7 years I grew closer to Jesus learned so much and learned there is still so much to learn. I could no longer work for schools with the charges against me but God found a way for me to teach. He had me go back to teaching Bible studies, sharing what He was teaching me. With time my grief lessened and my faith grew. Then 2 years ago I learned my daughter had a child and it hurt not being able to be apart of my grandchild’s life. I did not feel like a grandmother because they were not a part of my life.I had to let her go and I did not want to give up on hope but I didn’t want to drive myself crazy over what I have lost. I kept seeking Christ and learning how to live the way He wanted me to. Learning to forgive and move forward. Love replaced anger and my resentment grew less. Life became more peaceful.
Life did not get perfect and I have had other problems. Then one day my daughter reached out and made contact with me. I was afraid of the legal bind I am in but wanting my daughter back in my life overruled my fear, Jeremiah 31:17 came to pass in my life. My daughter had returned and she is now a part of my life after a 7 year absence. I am getting to know my grandson. Life may not be perfect and just because I have forgiven my family does not mean I do not use caution or trust them. I am happy that God’s Word is true and He brought my daughter back along with my granson. This relationship with it flaws and is recconcilled. The Lord has restored my daughter to me and I am forever grateful.