I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me since I was hurt while working. I am still out on medical leave and my shoulder has not healed enough for me to return to work. I have began to have more mobility in my right arm, the pain is still constant and is still interfering with my sleep. Their has been a hold up on my physical therapy to begin which has caused me some frustration and the pay I was promised was a lot less than I was told I would receive adding stress over the financial part of being out of work. All of this has effected my mental state. I have written previously shared in my posts on my testimonies on the depression and PTSD God has helped me through. The depression , anxiety, and anger has raised it’s ugly head again. I know it has a lot to do with the pain and lack of sleep combined with being isolated, and I pray and know God is here with me, but my emotional state is still a struggle. I have lost count of the nights I that turned into sunrises, and the tears from both the physical and mental pain I have been dealing with. I remember the request of the father when he told Jesus, ‘I believe help my unbelief’. I know God has not done this to me and that He is here with me and He will see me through this. At the same time I am tired. Tired of not sleeping and tired of being in pain and being alone. I would like my mental and emotional state line up with my faith. Knowing and feelings are in a constant state of battle right now. I know just because I feel something does not mean that is what I believe and that it has not diminished my relationship with Jesus and that He is here crying with me and loving me through this. I know He will not abandon me, but I do want to get past this injury and regain use of my arm and hand. Even typing this is painful. So I have not been writing very much. I pray not only for myself but for the needs of others. I know there are so many in this world going through so much worse than myself. So I am not looking for pity. I am remembering that in James I am to count it all joy when I face various trials and tribulations and do not forget to give my God praise and thanks. I also thank God for your prayers, and pray that this next week my bills will be paid and my therapy will begin.
Read James Chapter 1