Grief One Size Does Not Fit All

Everyone  grieves in their own way and in their own time. We all suffer one king of loss to the next. You grieve the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, a home, a pet, and anything you may have lost.

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I have suffers various loss in my life. This does not make me an expert on grief though. I have sought counseling and read books to help me with my grief.This is the latest book that I have read.Please be Patient I’m Grieving Author Gary Roe. I first learned of this author on Facebook and took a course he offered for free. His teachings have helped me deal with the losses I have suffered and he even took time to write to me personally and encourage me as I heal. It is not often that I publicly recommend books or author so I am going to just suggest that you visit his page and learn for yourself about his teachings.

This is the web address for his page

He does not just teach on personal grief but also how to help others who are grieving.

I pray that this will help at least one person out there.

Prayers and of blessings of healing and comfort for you all.

 

 

 

The sound of a closing door

The sound of a closing door is not one we pay much attention to. A saying most of us have heard is, ‘When one door closes another will open’. Then there is the scripture Revelation 3:20 Behold I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him and will sup with him and he with me. These words encourage and give hope.Rev 3 20

 

We open and closes doors every day so the sound of a door closing means nothing to you,  yet there are those that it breaks their heart. It can represent loss, an ending, or rejection. Add the sound of a lock being turned it can make one feel hopeless. That they are not only shut out but that there is no hope of that door ever being opened again.(Which is not always a bad thing because there are some doors that not only need to be shut and locked, but the key needs to be thrown away.) The pain of loss or rejection can amplify the simple sound of a closing door. Then there is the sound of a door slamming shut. Which is usually done in anger, meaning one person has turned their back on another in anger and not just walked out but stormed out leaving the other behind. The one who stormed out may feel like they cannot return because they were the one to leave and no matter what their reason was at the time they may feel guilt and even fear because now they are the one who may be rejected. The one left behind feel not only rejected and hurt, but they may fear that when the door slammed that was the end, and that is not their desire. Loosing loved ones to death or an end of a relationship can leave a lasting memory that the sound of a closing door can reopen the wound that the sound of a closing door can bring.

I had not thought of this before, but while sitting on my porch I heard the sound of a neighbor shutting their door. A sound that I hear often living in an apartment because neighbors are coming and going daily. Yet this morning when I heard the sound it seemed amplified and I even heard the sound of the lock being turned. I don’t know why it made me stop and think, but it did. I go in and out my door multiple times through out my day and when I am on the phone I know the person on the other end can hear the opening and shutting of my door so I try to close the door quietly so I do not interrupt what they are saying to me. Yet today I am thinking of all the ways the sound of what a door makes can mean. For some it can mean security, (This makes me think of the song ‘Shut the door, keep out the devil’) and for another it can feel like they are all alone, shut out and not welcome.

For the ones who feel rejected and shut out there is One who will never leave you or forsake you. He knocks on your door patiently waiting to be let in. He is the one I mentioned earlier in Revelation 3;20.

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Now there is the sound of a door opening. Think about how a child reacts when the door opens and it is their Daddy who just came in. They run to him joyfully and yell ‘Daddy’s home’ and they jump into his arms.

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Now the sound of the door closing behind him means they are safe and they have no reason to fear. For when they are with their Daddy they are not afraid, but are happy and secure. For it is written that perfect love casts out all fear. The love of our Heavenly Father, our Abba Daddy is available to all who receive Him, and Jesus is the door we enter to get to Him.

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God bless you and keep you in His perfect peace

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Everything Has Its Time

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
    And a time to die;
A time to plant,
    And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
    And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
    And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
    And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
    And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
    And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
    And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
    And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
    And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
    And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
    And a time to speak;
A time to love,
    And a time to hate;
A time of war,
    And a time of peace.

Mom Acton Ca

I still miss my Mom very much. Four years have now passed since you left this world. There are days that I still cry when I think of her, but smiles and joy filled thoughts have replaced many of those days. I think of the good times we had and the times we did enjoy together. I also think about the day when my aunt had emailed me and included a video clip of the praise and worship of the church where my Mom had given her heart back to Jesus. That moment brought tears of joy and dancing, because then I knew I would see her again one day when I join her in my Fathers home. I do not know when that will be, so for now I live each day with hope and peace knowing that she may be gone from this earth but she waits for me with Him until it is my time to join them in heaven.

Reminiscing

I am just thinking back to a camping trip with my mother. It is the same story I shared at her memorial, but it is one that makes me smile as I remember her.

You see it was my mother who taught me to enjoy the outdoors. She taught me how to pitch a tent, bait a hook, clean and cook the fish I caught, and other things that you do when you go camping.

She also taught me the importance of being a lady. So I am just as comfortable out in the woods, sitting by a creek, or paddling a canoe, as I am dressing up and going to the museum or a theater.

One thing my mother was not happy about me during this camping trip, to put it into her words, “Catching fish with your hands is cheating!” We were camping at Big Rock Creek in the Angeles Forrest. The water in the creek is perfectly clear. I got tired of the trout swimming around my baited hook, so I slowly got into the ice cold water (it was a snow fed creek). I patiently watched as the fish swam close to me. When they continued to swim around me I quickly grabbed one with my hands. When my mother who was further up the creek saw me in the water she yelled at me, and told me I was cheating and that I needed to be patient. What she did not realize is that I had really wanted to go hiking and knew she would not let me go until I caught my limit. So I caught my limit by hand, and even though she had wanted me to throw my catch back into the stream, she let me go hiking . Of course I had to clean my catch first.

Sometimes I think that it is because memories like this I enjoy the outdoors and hiking so much. My other reason is I feel closer to God, andIMG036 now that she is with Him when I get a moment to escape to the outdoors I can feel closer to both.

Blessings come in many shapes and sizes

Today is just another day, but I was blessed with this beautiful present, by a couple who are so very special to me. It has now been over three years since my Mom died, and I still miss her very much. Yet when I spend time with my friend Janie I am often mistaken for her daughter. Which is interesting since my mother’s first name was Jane, although she went by Keiko. We have both suffered loss of loved ones, for me it is my Mom for her it is two sons. I told her today that we will see them again in heaven someday but while we are on earth, I will be the child for the children she lost and she will be the mother whom I lost. I am so grateful for her and her husbands friendship, they have truly blessed me with more than a kimono but with a friendship that is more like family.

December 1, 2015

This is the first time in Four years that I have decorated for Christmas since my mother died and I lost my daughter,without being told to do so. The first year I didn’t decorate at all. My apartment no longer felt like a home since my daughter was gone from my life and for the first time I was truly living alone. I saw that decorating was a waste of time and it would only make me feel worse. Then the following two years I would be asked if I was putting up my tree and I would answer no, their response would be it would be good for me. Of course my response would be there is no point. I am alone and I would be the only person to see the decorations. But my friends did not give up on encouraging me. So I would bring the tree out and that would be that. I am sharing this because even though I have been battling my depression more as the holidays have approached, this time I did not need encouragement. The tree came out, I hung the garland and the lights. I even brought out decorations that I have been keeping boxed up. The penguin was a gift from my mom from the year before she died, it plays Jingle Bells. Listening to it sing brings me joy because it was a gift from her, just as the stocking was a gift she gave my daughter. I can look at these now and not feel the pain of missing them but remember the good times. There is a hole in my heart that no one else will ever be able to fill but now  instead of the dread of missing them that holidays brought, I can now focus on the good memories.