Feeling down this man will have you rolling in laughter.
Laughter lifts your mood and this woman definitely makes me laugh.
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have beenCHEATING ON your tests.” Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. WELL, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, ‘Who was our first president?’, and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put ‘George Washington,’ and so did you.”
“So, everyone knows that he was the first president.”
“Well, just wait a minute,” said Mr. Johnson. “The next question was, ‘Who freed the slaves?’ Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.”
“Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,” said Johnny.
“Wait, wait,” said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, ‘Who was presidentDURING the Louisiana Purchase?’ Mary put ‘I don’t know,’ and you put, ‘Me neither’.”
I.R.S. A pastor of a church is sitting in his study when the phone rings. “Hello, is this Reverend Jones?” the caller asks. “It is.” replied the pastor. “This is Bill Johnson with the Internal Revenue Service. I was wondering if you could answer a few questions?”
“I’ll try.” said the pastor. “Do you know a John Timmons?” “I do.” “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is.” “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” “He will.”
A little girl who was writing a school paper asked her father, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” “It’s mostly a matter of degree.” the dad replied. ” Let me show you what I mean”. With that the dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. A man answered the phone and the dad says, “Hello, is Homer there?” The man on the other end answered, “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number. There’s nobody here by that name.” The father hangs up and immediately hits redial, “Hello, is Homer there?” asks the father. “Now listen up buddy, there’s nobody here by that name so quit bothering me!” The dad listens as the man slams the phone down. You see, says the dad, he is starting to get angry. He hits redial and a loud voice comes on the line. “HELLO!” the man yells. “Yes, is Homer there? asks the father calmly. “Are you crazy?” the man screams, ” I told you Homer doesn’t live here so don’t call back again!” then he slams the phone down again. “Did you hear that?” the father asked the little girl, “Now that is what anger sounds like.” “Now you’re going to hear exasperation.” He picked the phone up and hit redial again. “HELLO!” boomed the voice on the other end. “Hello” the dad says politely, “This is Homer, have I had any calls?”
A new pastor moved into a town, and he went out one day to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came upon this one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20” and stuck it on the back of the door. Revelation 3:20: “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.”
Later in the week, as he was counting the offering, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation “Genesis 3:10.”
Genesis 3:10: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked: so I hid myself.”
This woman really cracks me up.