Prayers Of A Nobody

It has been a few weeks since I last posted here and a lot has happened. Most of you who have been reading my posts know that I have not been able to work since last September because of an injury that happened at work. So I had decided to try and use my down time to do something productive. I began writing ‘Prayers Of A Nobody’. Over the past month I have faced many obstacles due to what I was told a computer error that had terminated both my employment and workers comp claim. Which also interfered with my writing time since my pain level limits my computer and writing time. I am happy to say that with God’s help I endured and not only was reinstated and my medical care has begun again, I was also able to finish writing this short book on prayer.

Now it is not your conventional prayer book and will probably not be accepted by those in the religious field. It is a book for those who feel that they cannot pray. Some feel that they are not good enough and that God wants nothing to do with them. Others may look at the what happens in this world and think if there was a God why is He letting all these terrible things happen. Others are too angry or depressed to pray. The list goes on. This book is for them and for those of us who want to reach out and let them know that God does love them, and He is listening.

This book is raw and filled with emotions that most do understand. The prayers included are not religious but they are real, and from the point of view of people who struggle with pain and suffering. People who feel rejected, unloved, and unwanted. You can find it on Amazon kindle books. Until this Friday June 18th you can get it for free. I hope that many of you will take some time and read it. I am sure there is someone you know who this book may help. Please feel free to share. Thank you and God bless.

Free for until June 18.

Call To Prayer / Personal prayer request update October 17, 2020

I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me since I was hurt while working. I am still out on medical leave and my shoulder has not healed enough for me to return to work. I have began to have more mobility in my right arm, the pain is still constant and is still interfering with my sleep. Their has been a hold up on my physical therapy to begin which has caused me some frustration and the pay I was promised was a lot less than I was told I would receive adding stress over the financial part of being out of work. All of this has effected my mental state. I have written previously shared in my posts on my testimonies on the depression and PTSD God has helped me through. The depression , anxiety, and anger has raised it’s ugly head again. I know it has a lot to do with the pain and lack of sleep combined with being isolated, and I pray and know God is here with me, but my emotional state is still a struggle. I have lost count of the nights I that turned into sunrises, and the tears from both the physical and mental pain I have been dealing with. I remember the request of the father when he told Jesus, ‘I believe help my unbelief’. I know God has not done this to me and that He is here with me and He will see me through this. At the same time I am tired. Tired of not sleeping and tired of being in pain and being alone. I would like my mental and emotional state line up with my faith. Knowing and feelings are in a constant state of battle right now. I know just because I feel something does not mean that is what I believe and that it has not diminished my relationship with Jesus and that He is here crying with me and loving me through this. I know He will not abandon me, but I do want to get past this injury and regain use of my arm and hand. Even typing this is painful. So I have not been writing very much. I pray not only for myself but for the needs of others. I know there are so many in this world going through so much worse than myself. So I am not looking for pity. I am remembering that in James I am to count it all joy when I face various trials and tribulations and do not forget to give my God praise and thanks. I also thank God for your prayers, and pray that this next week my bills will be paid and my therapy will begin.

Read James Chapter 1

Call To Prayer / Personal request Sept. 2, 2020

I have previously shared a global prayer request for victims of human trafficking. Today I am requesting prayer for myself. Yesterday, for the third time in the past four weeks I have injured my right shoulder while working, I am going to be seeing a doctor today thanks to workman’s comp. Something I would not be able to do if they were not providing the medical care. My request is not only for physical healing and for the extreme pain shooting through my right side which is now effecting my left arm as well, but for my mental state. Pain is a trigger for anger in me. When I am in consistent pain for long enough my thoughts and then my words go to a bad place that I do not like and the I repent a lot! As the saying goes ‘hurt people, hurt people’. Thankfully I am usually alone when I have one of these episodes, but I do not forget what Jesus taught about even thinking of a sin, is to have committed the sin, like hatred being equal to murder. I also think about what Paul said about doing what he knows is wrong and wanting to do what is right. I want to do what is right and not lash out because of my pain. As a woman who God saved from abuse and the long term physical effects that abuse left both my body and mind to heal from I do not want to go back to being the person I was before I let Jesus into my life.

WORDS / If you don’t have anything nice to say…

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

One thing told to me when I was growing up was, ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut.’ I know this phrase is also said in other terms, but they all boil down to this message; Be careful what you speak, the damage your words can do cannot be undone.

People today are so quick to slander each other for such a wide variety of reasons, I won’t bother to start that list. I will talk today of my own self. As some of you may have noticed I have not been posting here for a while. This past year has thrown some painful pitches my way, and some of my earlier posts I talked about how pain can effect us. For me one thing it leads me to is anger, and not a righteous anger. It is an anger that can lead to mass destruction. I can do more damage with my tongue than with my fist.

So I had slowly been isolating myself, which is a terrible thing to do. Yet fear of what I would do in my anger helped me to justify becoming a hermit again. Since I had not had very many nice things to say, I just started shutting myself away from the world. Yet that did not keep me from thinking words of hate and destruction which in other words are curses. No sooner had I thought them or said them aloud, even though I am home alone, I knew that what I was doing was wrong and would have to quickly repent. Yet the thoughts and words still lingered in my mind.

So I have been having this inner battle, that if you saw me in person you would not see this struggle. I do know how to put on the right mask when necessary. I try hard to keep my dark battles to myself and only let those who I feel I truly can trust know of these battles. Which I thank God for blessing me with these close friends who love me unconditionally and do not condemn me when I falter, and so I can confide in them.

Yet this struggle has not left me blind to the fact that I how can I be of help to others if I am home alone licking my wounds, and living in fear? It is out in the fields where the laborers should be, and I have been hiding in my own little cave like David hiding from Saul, or Elijah hiding from Jezebel. Like Elijah hiding in his cave, God has reminded me that I need to get back out there and do what he has called me to do, and not stay hidden in the safety of my home. Which in all honesty is not so safe when you have to battle your personal demons alone because you have hidden yourself.

One assignment He had given me a while back, that I had put off on the back burner so to speak is to unite His body in prayer. I had one excuse after another pop up as either obstacles or rejection to this idea, for various reasons. Yet I have heard Him say it is not over yet, so get back up and keep trying. Now the most current obstacle I have faced is organizing a public gathering for people to gather in prayer because the current problems with the Covid 19. I was reminded that I still have a way to unite my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus in prayer here, and that this would actually reach more people, than if I had organized a prayer meeting for the area in which I live.

Our prayers are to include more than just our family, friends, church, and needs of those we are personally connected to, but to cover this earth with prayer, and for every need to be met and most important, for His will to be done. My next blog will speak more of this assignment and will include how I started making prayer boards.

I hope you will join me in this assignment, and if there are any prayer requests for anyone, ministry organizations, etc… please share those requests here and we can pray together.

P.S. I am sorry that this post started on one topic and led to another, but prayers are words that can do such good, and that is what I have to get back to. Speaking words of life.

I am a liar

Wow,I said it.I am a liar.How can this be?I am a child of God so how can I tell a lie?Every time I say that I am fine when I am not,I am lying. Does that mean I am a bad person? No it doesn’t,but I am not being honest.It would be better for me to say I don’t feel like talking or I have been better. This way I am being honest with out having to lie.

This does not mean that I pretend that I don’t have any problems or that I am not hurting.I do need to have someone I trust that I can talk to. A person who can help me with my struggle whatever it may be. A person who will listen and be honest with me. Someone who is kind but will not be what I like to call a ‘Yes man ‘. I do not need a person who will agree with me if I am in the wrong.A real friend who cares about more than my feelings. They want what is best for me,and will tell me the truth even when they know I may not like what they have to say.

The truth can be painful and difficult to speak but if we lie we are only hiding in the dark. You can not see the way out in the dark. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Light. If I want to get better I need to be honest and tell the truth.

December 18, 2017 Monday

The Lord is always good and faithful, so why is it that we who are called His let fear and doubt overcome us. Most days we live bold as lions and our faith does not waiver. Throw the worse at us and we face it without fear. Then there are those days that something as simple as an unpaid bill and fear and worry fills our thoughts. ‘Where is the money going to come from? Is our electric going to be turned off? How will we pay the rent or mortgage?’ Just a few examples of fears we can have. Not that paying our bills are not important because it is, but I am not afraid of someone attacking me or hurting me even when I am alone in a dangerous area. Tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, etc… and I am as calm as can be. Put a a bill in front of me and my mind races to figure out how is it going to get paid. I know the His Word and that He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides for my needs. He has kept me alive and been there with me in the darkest hours of my life. So why is it when it comes to the things I should trust Him without a second thought, I go into panic mode? I think of this scripture when I struggle with fear or doubt;

Mark 9:24(NKJV) Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

So why do I have fears and doubts when I know God loves me and cares for all of my needs? It is like being an elephant who is huge and strong but is afraid of a little mouse. This is an area I have worked on but still struggle with. I read His Word, pray, and even fast, yet still I struggle. Well tomorrow is another day and I will try again.

Things I Want….8/11/2017

Today I want to be able to feel the pain in my body without it effecting my mood.

This is not something new for me but my pain level over the last two weeks has been more than unbearable and it has worn me down to raw nerves. This how ever is no excuse for wrong behavior on mt part, and I also should not let it make me a less compassionate or loving person.

I read my Bible, I pray, and I sings songs of praise in worship which on any other day lifts my spirit, but in the last week I can really tell a difference in my attitude towards others. I am less patient, I tend to get offended easier than usual, and I am snapping at people I know God is forgiving and I know He did not cause my body t be in pain, but if this pain is the thorn in my flesh that I must bear then I want to do so with a spirit of joy and longsuffering. I want others to see the love of Jesus in spite of my pain.

Well it is time to get back to moving I have both packing and unpacking to do.

Sleep the elusive dream continued “A call to prayer”

September 20, 2015

How many of you find it difficult to find sleep at the end of the day? Insomnia as it is medically labeled is something more people than we realize suffer with. After not sleeping last night and my ramblings I posted during the night hours, I have a thought I would like to share. I know that you do not know me and I do not know you, but if you are like me and are awake while the rest of the world sleeps, why don’t we start praying together. We can pray for each other. We can pray for loved ones. We can pray for our leaders and for the leaders around the world. We can pray for blessings, for peace, and for healing. We can pray together for anything and for anyone.

Let us use this time in the night to good and not complain about the lack of sleep but pray together that God’s will be done. If Christ is in you as He is in me we are not strangers but are one with God who created us. With as many of us who live with the lack of sleep come together sharing each others burdens can you imagine what God can do with our prayers? Prayer is a gift and a weapon. Let us use it for good. If you will join me in this idea please post a comment. You can leave a request for prayer and I will pray with you for that need or the person who needs prayer. What ever prayer is needed there will be no judgment only loving prayers. If you know others who have trouble sleeping ask them if they will join in prayer. Let us instead of being insomniacs become warriors in the night. I hope and pray to take back from the enemy what He has stolen from us be turned into victory for Jesus Christ. Let us take back our nights. Let us pray! Please join me in prayer.

James 5:15-17 The Prayer of Faith
…15and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. 16Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. 17Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.…

Matthew 18:18-20 18“Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. 19“Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. 20“For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

Righteous anger or just plain anger?

How do you know if your anger is righteous or if you are just plain angry? I know of many who will justify not only their anger but what is done in anger, and some that will even use scripture to give just cause. Yet is this right?

Along with fighting depression I have a major battle with anger. I have been told I am right to be angry for the things that have been done to me. That they understand why I have reacted in anger and that it was okay because I was hurt. Something inside of me says this is wrong. There is no excuse that I can give for any outburst of anger that I have had. No matter how minimal the damage I may have done when I have been angry I have still caused damage. Even if it was just my words and that I shot off my mouth, Wrong is wrong. Almost everything I have ever broken when I have been angry has belonged to me, It dos not matter if I threw an object and it shattered or I tore up clothes or burnt pictures. The damage cannot be undone. This damage is not as bad as the words that have come out of my mouth, and the cursing that I have done. Even the hateful thoughts are wrong. For it starts as a thought, then comes out in either physical actions or words and both can do irreversible damage.

They say to be careful with a cornered animal because you do not know how it will react or how bad it can hurt you. I used to be that cornered animal, and all the pain that was inflicted upon me to make me cower in fear. To control and manipulate me would eventually back me into a corner where I felt the only way to survive was to fight back with all that was left within me. The saying dynamite comes in small packages was one I used quite a bit yet I out my own spin on it. I would say, ‘Dynamite comes in small packages but nitro comes in smaller and has a bigger bang. Call me Nitro.’ That was when I was proud to be angry. I had every reason to be yet the person who I hurt the most was myself.

I thank God that I am not that woman any more. Yet I still fight the anger that sometimes still boils to a rage inside of me. The difference now is that I know it is wrong and I can acknowledge that the words or even the thoughts I have when I get angry like this are wrong. One saying I can agree with today is, ‘Two wrongs do not make a right.’

So how do I know my anger is not righteous? For one reason is because a hatred begins to burn inside. Then condemning and hate filled thoughts fill my mind. No one even has to be around, just a thought of something that upsets me pops into my head and a fuse gets lit and the anger begins. Thankfully this is not an everyday occurrence but when my body’s pain level rises I have noticed my level of agitation lowers and I become more irritable. Why share any of this with anyone? I learned a while back that by putting things out into the light exposes the darkness hidden within me. Then the darkness has to flee. Scripture tells us to take every thought captive. I believe this is good because not every thought that passes through our minds are good. We are to rid ourselves of the damaging thoughts and keep the ones that keep us focused on Jesus Christ. I would like to say that the war on my anger has been won, but I still have my battles. There are battles I have won and there are battles in which I lost. I thankfully get a reprieve from these battles but then the war rages on and the fight begins again. The thing I am learning is that I do not fight anger with anger and I definitely do not fight it with hate. I start with myself and acknowledge any wrong on my part and then repent and ask God for His mercy and to help change me into a more loving person, that can be loving and merciful to those who seek to do me harm. Learning that these people are just being used as weapons and that the real enemy is not human, and is nor the terrible and painful events in ones life. The really enemy will wear any disguise that will help him do the most damage. He will twist your hurt and pain and try to make you his puppet. Something I have learned is that he only has the power over me that I give him. Will I still feel pain? Yes, I will. Can this body die? Yes it will. James told us to count it all joy when we face various trials and tribulations. How can we do this?We turn to God. We believe Jesus. We allow His Holy Spirit to help and comfort us. We cry out to God. We tell Him how we are feeling and we pour out our tears at His feet.

I have not yet reached the goal but I get up each day and press forward. There are days I lay down weakened by my body, my mind and this life. Then the nest day comes and it is back on my feet, even if I do not feel like it. Of course that is when I think God has a cattle prod and gives me a loving jab. Yet I know those jabs are because He loves me and He does not want me to fall to the wayside. So I do no fight like I used to. I am learning that not only do I need to turn my cheek but as much as it pains me to offer up the other one. The battle is the Lord’s, I need to just trust in Him.

Kay Warren Choose Joy Day 30

I hope you have enjoyed these devotionals focused on joy. You can find her study on choose joy on Kay warrens website or on Amazon. Joy does not come easy for most of us we have to seek it and true joy comes only from the Lord.

http://kaywarren.com

https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=kay+warren+choose+joy&tag=geminimobiles-20&index=aps&hvadid=30594213703&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=e&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_6xqjgyum8q_e

CHOOSE JOY BECAUSE HAPPINESS ISN’T ENOUGH Audio book download can be found on this website

http://christianaudio.com/choose-joy-kay-warren-audiobook-download