National Suicide Prevention Week& My Testimony

I know I recently shared this, but today while at church we had a guest speaker Charity Cook, and as she was speaking and sharing a part of her testimony, I heard God tell me two things, the first was that I was not getting out of my responsibility to share this part of my testimony. There had been event in Alvord a little over 5 years ago, that was hosted by the church I belonged to and a few other churches, in the area. I used the excuse they had enough speakers and they didn’t need to hear from me, even though God had told me I was supposed share my story, I chickened out. God however has made it clear that it is time to share this part of my testimony, no excuse. Just do it. The second thing is that is time for me  to change the title of my post; Testimony / I gave up on life and survived to – I gave up on life but now I live because He didn’t give up on me. So  I will be sharing this not only with you who read my blog, but with those who know me but do not really know me. It is time to trust them with my story.
There are many who battle depression and the holidays become a more difficult time for those that battle it. Some people you know who battle this are people that you may not know that are suffering because they hide it well. They carry this burden alone, some out of fear. Fear of being judged or condemned, of being called weak or a coward. Afraid that no one could understand their pain, that they should just get over it. Now these are not the only reasons but a short list.  For these people the pain is suffocating, and they feel like they are being crushed. At the same time they feel like they are drowning and that there is no one to help. So they put on their mask and act as if everything is okay, but when they are alone, exhausted  from pretending, it takes everything with in them not to give up. Unfortunately some of us just can’t go on and we give up. This is my testimony of getting to that place.


In Recognition of National Suicide Prevention week I am sharing my testimony once again, not because I am proud of what I had done but to share how grateful I am that I am still alive today. I hope this piece of my testimony will help at least one person.

Testimony / I gave up on life and survived

This is one of the most difficult thing I have to share with the world. I am not seeking your pity nor do I need your judgment. I am sharing this only because I pray to reach if just one person who is at the end of their rope and is ready to jump of of that ledge.

I cannot say that I understand your pain or what has lead you to this point but I pray that you will stop long enough to read these words that  I am…

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Right Relations / Divorce – thoughts December 6, 2018

Please as you read this understand that this is still a work in progress and has a lot of work left to do before it will be finished. You can look at it as an appetizer, and please if you have anything that you would like to share please leave a comment, and if it is personal and would like to keep it private just ask for my email.

I am still working on this project and the deeper I dive into it, the more not only am I learning but realizing that when it comes to relationships not only do they require a great deal of work and effort. There is no end to what you learn if you put time in effort into any relationship. Unfortunately some relationships do fail. Today this scripture came to my mind; Proverbs 25:24 Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Now as I though about this scripture, I received a new revelation. This man ( and vice versa it could be a woman), did not leave the relationship or even leave the property. He simply left the fight. Being separated by a roof. He did not say I don’t want this anymore. I want a divorce. There are going to be disagreements in any relationship, and yes you are going to fight. One of my favorite movies is War Room. In one scene Elizabeth tells Miss Clara that the one thing her and her husband do well is fight. The conversation goes on, but bottom line she is told they fight but they do not fight well. There is a good fight; 2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  There is fighting with or fighting against. We all get angry for one reason or another. Being angry is not a sin, but how we behave when we are angry can lead us into sin. Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set upon your anger, / Psalm 4:4 Be angry, yet do not sin; on your bed, search your heart and be still. Selah / James 1:20
for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires.

You fight because you are hurt, angry or a number of other reasons. Are you fighting for your relationship or out of pain or fear? Do you just give up and end the relationship, or do you fight to keep the relationship? There are relationships that do have to come to an end. I share a bit on my own marriage that did end in divorce. If the relationship is violent and abusive get out! There is no condemnation in being safe. If you are currently being abused, please seek help and get to a safe place. There is help for, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

For the marriages that one or both are not happy and just want to end their marriage, I want to ask you this why did you say “I do?” Now why do you want out?  Jesus was questioned about divorce;  Matthew 19:8 Jesus answered, “It was because of your hardness of heart that Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but it was not this way from the beginning.” / Luke 16:18 Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. Having an unfaithful spouse can and will almost always end a marriage. Yet Israel was often compared to and adulterous wife; Jeremiah 3:8
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

So what should we do? Do we stay in an unhappy marriage, with an unfaithful spouse? I will not tell you to leave or to stay. I will ask you to think about what has made you unhappy? Have either of you been neglectful of the other? Have you acted hatefully towards each other? Have you truly tried everything to make your relationship work? I can ask a long list of questions but I will end today with this question; How would you feel if God said to you I am tired of how you treat Me, we are done. I want a divorce?

Read Hosea. I will be writing more soon.


Why should I laugh?

We need laughter


It is easy to be critical and judgmental. I find myself doing both on a regular basis. I can justify my judgments and even back some up with scripture. Yet when I am doing this am I trying to point people to the Word or am I trying to use the Word to justify my actions? Another reason to act n this way is when you have been under attack most of your life or feel under attack the automatic response can be to lay down and play dead and pretend there is nothing wrong or to be defensive and attack what you feel is attacking you.

In my life I have suffered abuse, rape, ridicule and a list of other painful events. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, and fight depression, and even tried to commit suicide. If you were to meet me on a good day, and that…

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