J. A. P.

If you are Japanese or of any Asian race I am sorry if the title offends you because that is not my intent. You see I am half Japanese. My Gigi and Baba came from Okinawa. My mother and I were born in Oahu. I grew up as a child being teased and being called ‘jap, nip, and slant eyed’ to name a few names. Do you remember the song, ‘I’m turning Japanesa’?  Well I do since it was sung to me as a taunt quite often. I even was called names that I will not write here because of their vulgarity.  Now the prejudice acts I have dealt with in my life are very minor. Prejudice and hatred has been around throughout history. There is not a group that has not been hated because of their race or their religion. At one time or another people from all over the world has been a slave at one time or another in history. People have suffered horrible acts because of their race. The holocaust always comes to my mind when people pull out their race card saying that they are being wronged, because I think about the terrible acts committed against the Jews and I do not hear that they are rioting are filing law suits against anyone because they have been wronged. There is a movement going on right now that has inspired me to speak up. My heart is broken over all of this hate. A person commits a crime and the people are outraged against the police? Stop hating! You only hate to stir up strife and create conflict. You do not know peace and you do not know love. Do you even know why you are angry about? You may justify your words and actions but if you are spreading hate, anger, and violence, how can this be right?

Okay now is time to bring out the big gun. At some point in a person’s life they have been treated wrong and hurt. Rights have been violated, false accusations have been made, and some have even been beaten and abused. Shall I continue to list the cruel injustice that people of all different backgrounds have faced? I have been abused, molested, and raped. I have also been falsely accused and railroaded through our criminal court system. I have been angry and bitter over the things done to me, but you know what changed me? The love Jesus showed me. When I was going through the court system and fighting for my innocence God began showing me all that His Son Jesus went through for me. Then I compared the wrongs done to me and realized it was nothing in comparison to what Jesus lived through and how He did so without a fight but with love and forgiveness. He did not ask God to curse those who mocked Him and spit on Him. He did not strike down those who beat Him, and finally He did not condemn those who crucified Him, instead He asked His Father to forgive us. His love and mercy is so great who took all the weight of the consequences of sin for every person who would ever be born and carried to the cross in His body, and He did this for even those who hated Him. Jesus is the opposite of hate, because He Is Love!

1John 2:9 Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in darkness.

His love drives out the darkness but He will not make you walk in His light. You have to choose to walk in love. He will not force you to do anything. You cannot blame Him for your actions and you cannot blame anyone else for your behavior. You choose to do right or wrong, but be careful not to call good evil, and evil good.

Okay now about the title of this. Once again I mean no offense to anyone who is Japanese or any other Asian. I am a J.A.P.  I have taken a slang term that was meant to cause offense and this is what it means to me now. I am Jesus’ Asian Princess because through His blood and His sacrifice, I am adopted into His kingdom. So if someone calls me a Jap now I take pride because I belong to Him. I hope I have not made too many of you mad because I have said this, but it is just an example of what the world makes bad God turns around and makes something better.

Loving The Unlovable / The discussion continues…

NKJV Luke 6:32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.

Matthew 5:44 (NKJV) But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[a]

Footnotes: Matthew 5:44 NU-Text omits three clauses from this verse, leaving, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

How do you love someone who hates you? If you have the answer please tell me. Thankfully Jesus is not only my Savior but He is also my teacher. We all have people in our lives who do not like us and even some who hate us. For some we may have given them reason by something we may have done. We may have hurt them or done some wrong to them. Then there are those who you have done nothing to them and they hate you. They do everything they can to make you miserable. They are hostile towards you and all you can do is ask yourself, ‘What did I do?’.You go out of your way to be kind and courteous to them and they react as if you spit poison on them. Then you read these words, ‘Love those who hate you’. What goes through your mind is probably, ‘Are you joking?’ or ‘You can’t be serious.’ How can you love someone who outright hates you? They reject you, they hurt you, and they may even persecute you. They definitely do not love you. So what can make you want to love anyone who is like this? My inspiration is Jesus! Even as He was dying on the cross and being mocked He said, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do’. In the 33 years He spent on this earth, Joseph had to move Him and His mother Mary while still a very young boy because the ruler ordered all boys under a certain age be killed because the king was afraid that he would lose His throne. Then when He started His ministry, people attacked Him both verbally and physically. They wanted to stone Him. The Pharisees plotted against Him. They were able to pay Judas 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus.They arrested Him, falsely accused Him and demanded His crucifixion. He was beaten, ridiculed and mocked. He was even spit upon. Had to carry His own cross to the place of His death. Then once nailed to the cross people called out, mocking Him, even one of the men who was being crucified next to Him ridiculed Him. Why would the Son of God go through this when He knew beforehand He would go through all of this? Why? He loves us. He loves us no matter who we are or what we have done. So why can’t we love like this? I have no magical answer. All I can do is follow the example Jesus gave to us all. To be honest I fail miserably on a regular basis on this area. I try and keep making the effort. It is frustrating, but I know that I didn’t deserve His love and He still loved me.So when I get angry and hurt by the way someone treats me, I have to make the effort to think about, that this person is still loved by Jesus and since He is in me I can let Him love through me.Just as He loves me. He has forgiven me and loved me perfectly. So as hard as it may be that is the mercy and grace I must share with others.

If you would please leave your story on loving someone hard to love. You never know who you will inspire.

18. Dear Son (Letters from God Volume II)

My Dear Son,

    The journey you are about to leave for will be one that I wish You did not had to make. I do not wish to be separated from you for even the shortest period of time. For We are One and the same, but it is You that will leave Our home. This is so that You can do what must be done so that Our creation can be redeemed. This love of Yours for these lost ones I share with You. Yet it does not change what it does to my heart to know what You will endure while living there. It pains me to know that there will be many who will not believe in You, and worse than that, they will reject and mock You. You will not be understood. You will suffer abuse like no other ever has. The weight of sin and suffering of the entire existence of man will be carried alone by You. I am so proud of You, for doing this when You do not have to. Yet while You do know what will happen to You, this knowledge has not stopped You from making the choice to take the sins of man upon yourself. So that man can be saved from death and himself.

   We know that there will be many who will not believe that You are my Son for many reasons. Your entrance into their lives will be a humble one. You will be born to a woman that I have chosen. She is young and has not been with any man. The man who will be her husband is a carpenter and a good man. At first the news of her being with child will cause him to want to send her away. Yet I will send a messenger to him and he will marry her and be a father to You on earth as men know fathers to be. They are still a far way off from completely understanding me to be their Father even though they do sometimes call me Father. The time will come when You will leave their home and do that which You have been sent to do. When You speak, it will be with authority. You will walk to most places, and travel by fishing boats to other. You will not carry earthly possessions. When You do ride an animal it will not be a beautiful horse on but on a donkey. You will live a simple life among these men and women. You are Love and forgiveness made into flesh.

   Though there will be those who will deny You, there will be a day when all will know who You are and what You have done for them, and why You chose to do this most painful, yet most precious act for them. Now you know that there is the group of men we have chosen, who will come to know You better than their own brother. They will leave their homes, families and jobs to follow You.

     Your presence in their life will bring about a great change, and give them hope and purpose to their lives. You already know that they will stumble and be afraid when their doubts surface. But the Spirit will be released to them through you. They will call You teacher, and Savior. You will be the friend and brother that they never knew they could have. You will feed thousands with little, and heal them from blindness, not only of what they cannot see physically but what their hearts and minds cannot. When You open their eyes, they will weep tears of joy and humility. For You will heal both their bodies and their broken spirits. You will deliver them from their sin. They will learn everything that they need to live from You.

   You will restore to Us that which was stolen by the one who We had to cast out. He will be coming against You from the moment You are made flesh. He will do everything to destroy You, for he hates You. His hate is almost as great as Our Love. Yet I know that there is nothing to fear concerning this for We both know what the outcome will be.      

     However My Son there is no parent who would ever want to allow what You will suffer to happen to their child. They would rather suffer themselves to keep it from their child from hurting. Yet I cannot do that. For this act only You can perform. I Love You, and I will send to You the Helper, and the one who will announce Your coming is already there waiting for You. Now it is my turn to wait for You to return to Me. You will do this when Your task is done. How glorious is Your love and mercy. You are My Lamb, and You are My Lion. I will be with You in Spirit. You are My Son.



Your Father






Acts Chapter 1

Scarred by Love


Scarred By Love

Nailed to a tree was this message

“My arms are stretched out for you

Touch my hands and you will see

Just how much I love Thee.


is not out of reach

For this gift I give to you is me.


A present wrapped in this body

given in love

with these nail scarred hands”.

Pain Hurts!

Pain hurts! Pretty simple, you would think. But what caused the pain may not be so simple to describe. Were you hurt by something big that happened all at once, or was it little things that happened over a period of time? Does any of that matter? I do not think so because pain still hurts. Whatever that has happened, or has been done to you, the pain you feel is what has your attention. You feel it. Physically or emotionally the pain is real. It may stop you in your track, or drop you down to your knees, and it may give you reason to lay down and not get up because the pain is more than you can bear. Pain lets you know that something is wrong. It is that big red flashing light telling you stop what you are doing or you will get seriously hurt. It is the warning that says this wrong and it needs to stop.

Pain can cause a tear to roll down your cheek, or you to scream in agony till you have no voice left. It can make you close yourself up into your room cutting everyone out. Pain can cause you to lash out and hit something, like putting your fist through a wall. You may pick a fight for no real reason because of the pain you feel has made you so angry you want someone else to feel pain as well. I could probably write a novel and fill the pages with what pain can cause us to do. If you have ever felt pain you already know what I would write, and let’s be honest you are alive and reading this you have felt pain, and you may even be feeling pain right now as you are reading these words.

Well my words will not take away your pain, but you already knew that. To heal from the pain you feel or have felt means you are going to go through more pain. Facing what has hurt you is not pleasant, it can get down right ugly. To truly begin to be healed from what has caused our pain we have to endure facing the pain. We need to not just focus on what was done but what we did as a reaction. We may feel guilt for things we did after we were hurt. So we are ashamed to face our pain. We should not stand in our own way though. What has been done is done, let us face it so we can move on. No more looking over your shoulder carrying burdens we no longer need to, but living free from guilt shame and pain. The One who taught me this is Jesus. He is my Savior, Redeemer, and Healer. He is the Lord of my life, my heart my everything. Jesus knows pain and He knows suffering. This does not stop Him from loving though. In spite of pain rejection humiliation being beaten and spit upon He loves us, He forgives us and He heals us. It is written  ‘By His stripes we are healed’. All we have to do is receive Him, acknowledge our sins and repent and the love He has for us we can then receive. Then you can find relief form the pain you have lived with for too long.

Forgive me

My prayer.

For anyone I have hurt with my words or actions, I am sorry, please forgive me.

For anyone I have judged in anger I am sorry Please forgive me.

For anyone I tried to control, boss or try to manipulate to get my own way, I am sorry please forgive me

For those I did not help when I was able to I am sorry please forgive me.

For those I refused to listen to who needed to talk I am sorry please forgive me.

Father in Heaven I am sorry for every time I have withheld the love you gave me from another and refused to forgive, help me to forgive and please forgive me

For anyone I had not forgiven I am sorry I forgive you and hope you can forgive me. I ask God to bless you with His love and mercy.


Forgiveness is a two way street. You cannot expect of be forgiven if you are not willing to forgive. Jesus taught us that forgiveness is love. We need to be accountable for our own actions. My sin is not greater or less than any other persons. Our sins nailed Jesus to the cross. He paid the debt so we could be forgiven. So as we have been forgiven we need to forgive.

Broken and Torn

Broken and torn
Never again to be worn
Black and blue
is not my best hue
Trust is broken
Empty words spoken
No cure
No longer pure
Damaged beyond repair
there is no hope here
No one can help
what is done is done
My life is gone
heart pumps
blood flows cold
never to grow old
broken and torn
Never again to be worn

© By sheppaja On 6/9/2009 3:37:09 PM

I had written this poem a while back while I was still dealing with the aftermath of an abusive marriage. The view I had of myself only mirrored how I had been treated. From childhood into becoming an adult I had been abused. I kept finding myself in bad relationships, only two had actually been physically abusive but the others still did their damage. I didn’t realize it at that time that I had for most of my life felt I deserved what happened to me. Abuse warps the way we think and how we look at ourselves. We live in in fear and doubt plagues our minds, we are prisoners in our own minds. What has helped me to stop this way of existing(I call it existing because you are not truly living when you live like that) was Jesus reaching out to me. Through His Word He told me who I am, and who I am to Him. He taught me my life had purpose, and it wasn’t to be anyone’s punching bag(verbally or physically). He has a better life for me. Yes I still have troubles and face trials and temptation but I have Jesus to walk with me each day no matter what the day holds. When I look into the mirror using His eyes I see a better person than who I used to think I was. I have a lesson that is good for anyone who has doubt, unbelief in themselves, feels they deserve to be treated poorly,,this list can go on and on but the point of the lesson is to transform how you see yourself to how God sees you. I had titled the lesson self portraits. I will find it and post it and hope that it will help anyone who looks at themselves the way I used to look at myself. The freedom I found in letting the love of Jesus into my heart has definitely changed me for the better. Yes I still have bad days and get down on myself but now I don’t stay down because He is always there to lift me up. If you feel broken and torn turn to Jesus and let Him in. Look for my lesson, “Self Portraits”, hopefully it won’t take me too long to find.

Damaged Goods

I have a collection of poetry that I wrote sometime back. These do not reflect my current situation or how I feel today. I feel that sharing these will hopefully help someone who is struggling with depression and low self worth due to abuse of any nature. The scars abuse leaves do not dictate where you are going but are a map that shows how far you have come. God will use what was done to me to help reach others and do good. He did not cause the pain, but He healed me through Jesus.

Damaged Goods written by Julie Sheppard

Damaged goods that is what I am
Broken beyond repair
But then again
Does anyone really care?
I see the stares
but they do not look at me
just what they want me to be
I am nothing to them
but someone to bed
To call when they need some
but then leave me lonesome
tears no longer flow
I am no longer whole
Just a complete disgrace
I see it in the looks upon their face
I just stare off into space
why should I care
I am not really here
Cold metal pressed against my neck
scars my arm with a small nick
Burns on my wrist
No true loves kiss
Just beaten and broken
Damaged goods
I am broken beyond repair
There is no hope for me here

Monster In My Closet

There is a monster in the closet
I run to you and beg you not to go
I tell you the monster is waiting for me
You tell me not to worry
It was a just a dream
Go back to bed
and you kiss my head
The door closes behind you
I am all alone with the monster
He tells me
I told you so
No one will believe you
Tears roll down my cheek
The monster smiles
and the nightmare begins again

Julie A Sheppard

This poem is written for anyone who knows what it is like to be physically or sexually abused.  You are not alone and there are people who will believe you and help you if you just ask for help. Do not be afraid of being judged or blamed.

God has helped me in more ways than words can describe to be healed from things that had been done to me. I thank Jesus that He knows my pain and loves me.