Category: emotional struggles

Another Year Has Come And Gone

2023 ended and 2024 has begun. For too many the past year was filled with various trials and tribulations. The holidays were a happy and joy filled time for some, and for others it was dark and pain filled. I spent the last few weeks sick myself and alone. This on top of the struggles I already have. If not for God I would not get through the day. I don’t know what will happen from day to day but I have to trust in HIM if I want to make it to the other side. I have ten more months before the decision on my appeal for disability will be made, and I still have no income. The community service that helps pay utilities is so overwhelmed they are not currently taking applications for assistance at this time. I am trying desperately not to let fear and anxiety overcome me, when rent is due and bill collectors and disconnect notices come in. Yet no matter how big the giants are I have to trust God. The problem is even though I know HE is her for me, it is hard to see HIM when the mountain of unpaid bills and fear of not having a place to go is standing so clearly in front of me. There is never a good time to be homeless, and it broke my heart to tell someone who is need that I did not have the ability to help them. I was someone who was there for others, and not being able to help made me feel worse about my current circumstances. This is not how I had hoped this new year would begin. Yet now how big the storm is, the ONE who can calm the storm is with me. I do not how much longer I have to wait for my break through, I cannot give up. What is even more important is that HE will not give up on me. I pray for those who are facing their own giants, and are in the middle of their storms. May each of you be filled with peace, and may the Lord renew your strength, giving you new hope. Let us trust in God through it all.

Winter Blues

Originally posted November 2015

I am not going to be discussing colors, even though blue is in the title of this writing. Winter Blues, SAD(seasonal affective disorder) is something too many people suffer from, and for those of us who deal with depression on a regular basis this time of year is or can be more difficult to deal with. Most people do not recognize this is happening to someone they know for multiple reasons. The person who deals with depression or Winter Blues may be very good at wearing a mask and concealing what is going on inside, end even when asked they simply answer ‘I am fine, or I am okay’ even when they know they are not. They either do not want to burden another with their problems or they do not want to come across as weak or less of a person. This list goes on as well, but hiding it or ignoring it will not make it go away. I know I have gone through all the extremes when it comes to dealing with my own depression. The thoughts that float through my mind especially during this time of year even scares me. I am afraid of the day where I will give into my depressed thoughts. Yet I have continued to fight and keep pressing forward in hopes of a day when I will not feel the dark suffocating force that I feel when depression outweighs my peace or joy. How can I have peace or joy? For one I have learned that peace or joy can be in me in spite of my circumstance or how I feel. It is the calm assurance that no matter how dark and hopeless things are, it is not over and I will be okay. Unfortunately this is not how I feel on most days. Yet this is what keeps me going. I look to scripture for encouragement, as well as people who are supportive and understanding. These people do more than just listen to me, or just sit with me when I do not feel like talking. They don’t pretend there is nothing wrong, but they are compassionate and loving without being overbearing. They do not try to fix me but they walk with me and offer me a hand when I am down and need help getting back up. If I pretended everything was okay and hid my inner battle from them they could not do this. Yes it may seem that I am making myself vulnerable and weak, but it takes a special strength to open up and let the right people in. Depression, blues, anxiety, anger, etc… make us want to keep people at a distance if we even want to see people at all. By doing this we are only letting these things control us instead of us controlling them. I want to live free from these disabling emotions. To do this I have to make a choice daily not to give into them, some days I do good, and there are days when I fail and I let them overcome me. But I do not give up. Not because I did it all on my own but because of Scripture, prayer and people who love and pray for me. Then my important source of comfort and encouragement, Jesus, who died for me to show me how much He loves me, for the Holy Spirit He sent to me to be my Helper and Comforter. (John 14:26 (AMP) 26 But the [a]Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name[in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you.) He is the One who is always with me even when I am alone. Loneliness is a companion of depression because when I am depressed or Blue I feel cut off, disconnected, even when I am in a crowd of people I can feel all alone. To help me deal with this feeling I focus my thoughts on Jesus (Who is the Word made flesh. John chapter .) I think about His words and how they tell me of His love, His peace, His Joy, and His victory for my life. I will not say this is easy but if it was not for His love and His Word I would not be here today sharing a part of myself with you today. I have bad days, it does not mean He does not love me, but it does mean that I am not going through the bad days alone. I like how the church (that is you and me who have received Jesus as Lord and Savior) is compare to being His Bride. Then I think of the wedding vows ‘For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, never to part’, and how this applies to our relationship with Him. He never gives up on us He hangs in there with us when life gets ugly. Do not let the Winter Blues get the best of you. I know depression is overwhelming and you may feel like you cannot go on and there is nothing you can do, but don’t give up. Say a prayer, even if it is only these simple words, “Jesus Help!” Then talk to someone and find help.

Here are some scriptures  and links to encourage you included are a link to Web MD and to the Mayo Clinic. I am not a professional but I am a person who has fought depression and PTSD for many years and I am doing better with help. I hope these will help get you started.

a link for scriptures on the Holy Spirit as Comforter and Helper  http://www.openbible.info/topics/the_comforter

a link for scriptures on depression  http://hopefaithprayer.com/scriptures/against-depression/

Philippians 1:19(ESV)  for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance,

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Deuteronomy 31:8 – The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

links on depression and Winter Blues

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/seasonal-affective-disorder

Don’t Give Up!

After the tree in front of my apartment had to be cut down, my apartment manager planted three tomato plants in the flower bed. Even though I watered them daily, the triple digit temperatures of summer kept the blooms from turning into fruit. At one point the plants looked like they were dying. A neighbor had even told me I should pull them up and throw them away. I chose not to do that but continued to water them in both the morning and the evening. The plants barely remained alive. The temperatures have cooled down and the plants are still alive and now have blooms again.

I did not give up these plants and now are they not only alive but the blooms have now begun to turn into tomatoes.

If I had given up and considered these plants dead, I would not be seeing the fruits of waiting. When you are waiting for something it is so very easy to give up. In life we often have to wait. I have many times wanted to give up. Exhausted, worn out and at times feelings of hopelessness I wanted to just give into despair and stop trying. Thankfully God did not give up on me and has kept me going even when I did not have the strength to do so on my own. I am still waiting and hoping. Trusting that I will make it through this period and that my needs will be met even though I can’t see it right now. I cannot give and what ever you may be going through right now, you don’t want to give up either. The fruit of patience will be produced.

Update September 30, 2023

First I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me, since my injury that has kept me from being able to work for the last three years and for my disability claim. I received some news on my claim and unfortunately it was denied. The appeal process has begun which I was informed is a lengthy process. I had hoped and prayed that I would be approved, especially since I have had no income for 2 years now. I have battled anxiety through this process, worrying about how to pay bills, keep my apartment and all the other necessities. It is easier to say to ‘Don’t worry, trust in God’, than it is not to worry. I have a picture that says pray more and worry less. I look at every day. I have prayed and hoped. Reading scripture to encourage me and keep me going. I have battled every negative thought that has come my way and stood on His promises. He has been with me through it all. I thank God every day for not abandoning me once. I know there are so many others that are going through so much worse so I can’t allow myself to have a pity party. So all that I can do now is keep hoping and trusting in God.